Riverdale
"While navigating the troubled waters of romance, school and family, Archie and his gang become entangled in dark Riverdale mysteries."
- IMDB
Riverdale was once a very, very popular show. Like many shows, somewhere halfway through, it got really bad really fast. It may have started out phenomenally, but it never stuck the landing and was hanging on for dear life until its end.
That was the extent of my knowledge going into the show. I’ve now seen it for myself… yeah… my observation before watching a single episode was correct. I have a lot to say lol.
Season 1
I honestly feel like they tried to queerbait me, and I totally fell for it because I started shipping Veronica and Betty in like episode 1 or 2. I wanna go ahead and put that out there because this made it pretty impossible to invest in their other relationships with literally anyone else.
That being said, the actual gay—Kevin Keller… best character. No matter what was happening, he was usually the one I vibed with the most. He was sort of out of the way of everything and watched the drama around him happen with great enthusiasm, and that’s exactly where I was all through school.
Get that teacher out of there! OMG, Archie is literally the least interesting character. Spoiler alert: I never enjoy him or his story and literally started skipping his scenes as early as season 2.
The concepts of gangs and drugs and all that is giving Bates Motel—you know, that first half of the show that was driven by the town’s status as an illegal weed center.
Season 1 is obviously defined by Jason’s death and wow… that’s where all the good stuff is. It really started to pick up when his relationship with Polly was explored, as Betty went to go find her pregnant, asking if Jason was alive and still ready to run away to the stupid farm.
I feel like season 1 was all a mix of teenage drama and all the parents being sus af. I would say halfway through the season I felt strongly about one of the Blossoms being the murderer. That flash drive evidence was a crazy reveal as Chapter 12 ends with Mr. Blossom’s suicide and the reveal of his Heisenberg business. This was plot, and I was thriving.
How was the finale going to go with the murder finally solved? Season finale cliffhanger—Mr. Andrews dead, Blossoms’ manor torched. Overall, solid first season. Would definitely recommend.
Season 2
Now I’ll repeat this a thousand times—I find Archie to be very lame and annoying. However, I respect his dad, and I absolutely love the father-son dynamic they’ve had. So yeah, I was leaning into the emotional opening of the season.
Honestly living for Cheryl’s true psychotic era. Like, we were supposed to hate her the entire time—she’s totally a bitch—and that’s cool. The actress just does really well with the character and is fun to watch.
What in the Zodiac is this Black Hood nonsense? And why did Archie try to create his own Order of the Phoenix?
Serpents vs. Ghoulies is giving West Side Story—kind of lame, just ravenous frat boys.
Honestly slept through the first half of season 2, even though I was generally intrigued by the overall Black Hood storyline. Did not believe it to be over, as I suspect Archie and Betty didn’t believe it either.
I’m confused about the timeline here. It was Fourth of July, then fall, then winter, then wasn’t it spring? And now it’s Christmas? And then I’m assuming a new year. So why was everyone going surprised Pikachu face when they hear Polly had the babies like a whole year and a half after she got pregnant? I think the showrunners forgot they put in spring scenes in the season 1 finale and said, “eh, let’s get back to the winter holidays.”
I’m so sick of Jughead. He went from despising the Serpents to being unhealthily obsessed with being one. I get they were there for him, but I think his whole obsession with them feels forced and is giving dramatic teenager with an identity crisis.
Southside shuts down and Serpent students come to Riverdale. They experienced discrimination and Jughead got all haughty to an annoying degree. Like, shut the f up, bro. The Serpents were not as dramatic. Jughead’s story this season is annoying and a waste of time.
I loved how Jughead uncovered some truth in terms of the Serpents’ origins. Exposing whitewashed history regarding Native Americans is an issue I’ll never get tired of hearing about. F the white man! This country was built on blood and racism. But again… Jughead ruins it. Toni telling him he’s going too far really solidifies how out of line he’s been. Like, it’s not just me being annoyed.
Somewhere after the halfway point there was a shift. Once people put Jughead in his place and he calmed down and the situation started to calm down, Hiram started pulling Archie in. So as Jughead began to become tolerable again, Archie started becoming the annoying prick I didn’t want to see on screen. Like, bro is being manipulated and everyone is saying so, but he wants to bang Veronica so he’s remaining ignorant. He’s literally every reason why I think teens should not date.
Conversion therapy for Cheryl—holy damn. Cheryl is honestly the best character. Not the most likable, but she’s well-written and well-acted. Making her lesbian has been a crazy plot line as her mom uses that against her.
High school musical era! what in the Phantom of the Opera was that Black Hood letter? The school did a production of Carrie the Musical and the show went all in. I’m awake, hello! Based on episode ratings, clearly absolutely no one enjoyed the musical episodes. But this appeases my closeted theater nerd self and I’m here for it. Also, the documentary part here was kinda funny. The episode was so great and then ended on that cliffhanger with the dead body on the stage. This was wild. Best episode of the series thus far.
If I were a boy in real life, I’d basically be Kevin…
Veronica spent the first season trying to separate herself from her dad’s corruption. Jughead spent the first season not wanting anything to do with the Serpents or his dad. Their change of hearts in season 2 just felt forced and against their own established values. Then when Veronica changed sides AGAIN, that felt forced too. It did not feel authentic—like it was just for plot.
I’m tired of these teens taking things into their own hands. Like, guys, you are not Dumbledore’s Army. Every teenager on this show has such a naive mindset and is often overdramatic—unfortunately, it’s too realistic to real-life teenagers.
I do appreciate Hiram as a solid evil corporate antagonist. He’s well-written on his own, and the way he manipulates so easily is terrifying when you look past the over-dramatization.
Katniss Cheryl is GOAT. No notes.
I loved when Mr. Cooper admitted to being the Black Hood. Bro has been sus since day 0. But this added more layers because clearly he is not the only Black Hood. So not case closed—at least that’s what I thought. I swear there was a second Black Hood. Was it ever confirmed who? Did everyone just forget?
There was this one scene where the dads stood next to each other ready to protect the town and all the moms were together sticking it to the man. I absolutely love the parents wayyyyy more than their kids. Even Mrs. Cooper. She is honestly such a mood a lot of the time and is low-key unhinged, and it’s fun to watch.
Season 3
They are only just starting junior year, ya’all. They’re literally just children.
I spent the whole season premiere rolling my eyes at Archie. Like, I had no pity when he handed himself over to the law for no reason. Then wtf was that ending??? Cult murders? Floating babies???
I have no time for Archie’s trip to pedophile juvy. Like, no sympathy—you kinda put yourself there. I like seeing Veronica stick it to her dad. Hiram as the local Heisenberg is still low-key fun to watch. But above all… it’s the cult storyline that keeps me going. G&G is the D&D that Christians expected back in the ’80s. It’s always the story of Riverdale - the town - that gets my attention—not these dumb teens that think they know everything.
My intrigue is always bigger than my actual enjoyment of the show.
The Breakfast Club episode was actually super cool. This is the content I need from this show. 10/10, would recommend.
G&G is actually connected to everything—like this is some real voodoo shit. But this is completely ignored as the bigger plot mystery is being solved. But seriously… what the f?
I really am such a simp for the musical episodes thus far, but come on… Heathers… they're making it personal now…
This whole Farm thing has been such an ick, especially the weird farm girl that is an adult pretending to be a student. Like, the harvest program—eek. And it was so freaky thinking the farmers see dead people until the truth was revealed. But now Cheryl is a cultist AND a bitch..... She’s a cultist bitch.
Why are they pushing this whole Hannibal Lecter thing with Mr. Cooper? All they have in common is that he was a serial killer. He wasn’t a cannibal, and he certainly isn’t on the same level as Hannibal in terms of intelligence and manipulation skills. Hannibal and Cooper aren’t even in the same ballpark. They’re not playing the same game. Get outta here.
Mrs. Blossom hosted a dinner with Mr. Cooper and Chic. Cooper is just not as intimidating to me as the show makes him out to be—just a guy with a gun. I guess the Mrs. Blossom reveal was very obvious throughout the season, but honestly I just thought it was too obvious for her to actually be the Game Master in all of this. Chic being a replacement Jason is so messed up, but where is Jason’s body? There is still some sort of supernatural element constantly being ignored, like the floating babies and the G&G parallel conspiracy.
The “most dangerous game” Hunger Games at the Blossoms’ was cool for like 5 minutes.
Who was the original Gargoyle King? Did we ever find out? Where was I?
I want to take a moment to mention one of my favorite scenes: Archie asks Hiram if he’s the Goblin King, and Hiram looks perturbed, stands up, and aggressively says, “I’m not a 15-year-old nerd,” and that line delivery lives in my head rent-free.
FBI Agent Charles is the son Mrs. Cooper got rid of all those years ago! Bombshell reveal! I was really hoping this would end the Betty and Jughead thing. I like them together platonically, but I never shipped them, and Charles can literally say, “Oh yeah, my siblings are dating each other.”
Overall, season 3 was so much better than 2. I would’ve quit after 2 but decided to give 3 a chance, and if 3 wasn’t good, I would’ve walked away completely. But I actually enjoyed my time and thought the writing was en pointe.
Season 4
Cheryl is in her Norman Bates era with Jason’s body and I… don’t think I’m all here for it… but I am. Toni is such a real one for putting up with Cheryl’s mental instability. She accepted him at the dinner table, helped re-bury him, then allowed him to be unburied again. Like, what the f? Such an out-of-left-field side story and I’m living for it.
RIP the guy who played Mr. Andrews. Seeing the character go is such a huge loss for the show as Mr. Andrews was such a significant force in Archie’s life as well as the town of Riverdale itself. But knowing the actor died is heartbreaking. I don’t really know much about the actor, but I enjoyed watching him as Mr. Andrews. He seemed like such a talent, and it’s such a loss to see him go. I was definitely in tears during the episode of his funeral, and I’m glad they honored the actor with this kind of sendoff for the character.
Also, through the rest of the series, his absence is felt as he and his death are brought up a lot. Even when I’m hating the rest of the show, those little moments always made me emotional.
All these spring break teasers are like trying to piece together those cryptic scenes from Breaking Bad season 2. I can already tell the nonlinear stuff will get on my nerves at some point. But as always, I’m still intrigued enough to stick around.
Once again, I slept through half a season. I was not digging Jughead’s spiral into the Stonewall cult crap—this freak school, like whatever, bro. And they’ve been playing into the “Betty is a possible serial killer” thing way too much.
Granted, I was very satisfied to finally see the “dead Jughead” teasers become the main plot. I became very curious as to how it plays out, though I don’t understand why Veronica and Archie are such willing accomplices. Like, they’re all “oh yeah WE did something bad,” but it was literally just Betty. They showed up five minutes later and were like, “welp, guess we’re part of this now.”
Once again, like many story arcs, it just fell flat and led to nothing—at least for me. All that buildup and it’s concluded in a mediocre whodunnit conspiracy that I didn’t care about at all. It was unsatisfactory.
Now this is immediately followed by the next musical episode. Now… I love Hedwig and the Angry Inch—that’s a solid musical. Only Broadway can make a musical about a botched transition surgery with songs that stand as queer anthems. But what the hell… how is this transgender musical at all related to Riverdale’s plot? Carrie made sense, Heathers fit perfectly—but this? It feels like they just wanted Kevin in drag… which...... okay, I’ll allow. Casey Cott slayed.
If you hated the episode, at least check out the actual musical. It’s worth a listen, even if it’s not for Riverdale.
That season finale made me laugh for literally no reason. It wasn’t trying to be funny, but the ridiculousness and random dialogue had me hysterical.
The parents reminding everyone who actually runs Riverdale? GOAT behavior.
The “murder of Honey” subplot was a cute distraction, but still unnecessary. The finale was creepy as hell though—like, woah. And I ended up enjoying it for all the wrong reasons. But it was a good finale for what ended up being my last full season.
Season 5
Alright. Once again, a plot with good potential lands flat on its face. The VHS story is wrapped up, the kids graduate, and boom—time jump. And what in the IT is this? Archie’s gotta bring the squad back to Derry, and no one is having a good time. At least their misfortunes align with the arcs that have been set up so far. I’m sure the reunion will rekindle old flames—blah blah blah—not interested. I never shipped anyone anyway.
Hiram eating Doritos in that one scene was giving that one Light Yagami moment—“I’m gonna take a potato chip… and eat it” As I skipped through the season, I did watch Hiram’s backstory episode. Bringing back actors to play their parents was a cool touch, especially with Mark Consuelos’ son playing young Hiram again.
That’s one thing I want to talk about—Hiram is the only constant for me. Through all the ups and downs of the show - if it’s Hiram, I’m fangirling. The character is so well-written, and Mark Consuelos portrays him perfectly. It’s easy to see how the show fell apart after his departure. Hiram Lodge was carrying both the show and the town for five seasons.
The final seasons
Season 6 starts with the Rivervale arc following the cliffhanger of Hiram blowing up Betty and Archie.
What in the final season of Lost was that start to season 6 leading up to the 100th episode?
Floating babies. Jughead’s G&G parallels. Unexplained supernatural stuff. And now they have superpowers???
Superpowers and the multiverse? This is turning into The Man in the High Castle situation. I loved the historical fiction there, but the sci-fi ruined it—and Riverdale went down the same path. Honestly, the best of Riverdale died with Hiram.
Season 7 - Back to the future but make it Riverdale.
It is kind of fun to see the gang in prime time 50s. But honestly after all this time, I'm tired of this god forsaken place. This definitely feels like final season energy as they were like “let’s go out the way we want to and just do whatever the heck we want because there will not be consequences, it’s over man.”
Now the concept is cool on paper - probably would work well in Once upon a Time, didn’t go so bad in Lost – but honestly it feels like the last couple of seasons, the writers were running out of ideas and did the super power than back to the future arc and it just didn’t feel natural. These were very forced stories that fell flat more so than any other arc in the series.
Like there’s just no weight to these plots. They deleted 6 seasons of character development and story, hit the reset button and made a Riverdale 50s show about murder mystery and fighting homophobia and racism. That was a horrible way to end the series, honestly. Only mega fans could love it, but that is not me. And honestly, it takes away so much meaning of the original series. No character got real resolutions to their arcs because the time heist reset button made nothing matter. And that sucks.
Final thoughts
Hiram hands down is the best, loved his dynamic with Vanessa, he was the closest thing to Heisenberg this show will get and it just worked.
Cheryl - the Superbitch we loved to hate but also love. Mrs. Cooper – unhinged and was always a mood. Mr. Andrews – rip, you were the best of them. Archie........ bye. Jugg...... I’ll never say no to a Sprouse twin but Jugghead was hit or miss. Veronica & Betty..... Still ship them. Will make them in the Sims for sure. Outside of their relationship dramas that I didn’t care for, they were solid characters that I enjoyed to watch.
But that Kevin Keller.............. boy, he just does not miss. Even when he was going loony with the cult, he was my favorite. Goat. Queen. All of the above.
While this has gone down as one of the shows I hate the most, there was still some quality writing here and there. I think that’s what upsets me the most because I saw potential. Some phenomenal episodes caught me off guard and after enjoying them for a few minutes, I’d get angry and think “why can’t the whole show be this good.” There are also a lot of great characters portrayed by brilliant actors. And poor writing was often wasted on all of them......... Except for Hiram Lodge.
Where plot lacked, the actors and aesthetic held it together. At least some subplot kept me going at all times while I complained about everything else. And Pops is just the place to be.
But yeah........ Don't waste your time on this show tbh
My Rating: ★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆